John*
“There is no glamour or glory in the porn industry. THERE IS NO FUN. Day after day, I was a witness to the constant abuse of women being slapped, choked, spit on, and even tortured in the porn industry. Not to mention the amount of drug abuse that occurred. The constant cocaine snorting, marijuana smoking, and pill-popping that went on was ridiculous. Now, it’s even worse. The use of Vicoden and Oxycontin and eventually Heroin is more prominent now than ever…
It was all about the money, and there wasn’t much to be made at all. In fact, men were only being paid $100-150 for the 45 minutes of potential abuse and the possibility of being locked up for domestic violence.
Enjoyment, no. I knew that to treat a woman with such utter disrespect was the worst thing I could be doing. People are constantly asking me if it’s true that women like what they are doing on the porn set. The answer was made quite clear to me when I saw certain activities going on, and I could tell that it was not what they had expected. Nor was it what I expected.”1
*Name withheld
Simon*, a former contestant on The Sex Factor
“Once at the location, we were told that we’d be filmed having sex in front of a judge. Those who had a good ‘television presence’ and could create a scene were asked to come back to shoot further episodes. Little did I know it would be a boulder that would chain me to the ground for years.
I would tell someone thinking of doing porn that it is like a drug. After the high comes massive withdrawals that will eventually lead to either depression or a search for a new drug to fill the hole that porn has cut into you.
Porn is a very selfish industry, and few realize just how narcissistic one must be to do well in the business. No one cares about you; it’s just what you can do for them. It’s a very stressful environment. The industry, ironically, is not sexy at all. It’s very robotic and makes one feel a lot like a stuffed doll that’s only meant for others’ pleasure.”2
*Identity hidden by request
Christopher
“I quit performing in porn basically overnight. Like many male performers, I had become reliant on erectile dysfunction drugs as performance enhancers. In professional sports, men take steroids. In porn, we take Viagra, Cialis, Levitra, and injections. It’s very common.
As a result of taking those types of medications, I ended up in the hospital for priapism. It didn’t happen often. Maybe three times throughout my career. During the last trip to the ER, a doctor told me that if I kept abusing erectile dysfunction drugs, I could end up with serious long-term damage. So I quit. The job wasn’t worth putting my health at risk…
It’s difficult [to get out of the porn industry]. Sex is not a skill that translates very well into other professional environments. Certainly, it’s not something that I can put on my resume if I want to work another job…
I’m able to observe the patterns in the industry and recognize the reality that performing is no longer a way—for most people—to make a lot of money. I see very little upward mobility… So, yes, I’d say it’s challenging to walk away from the sex business.”3
Joshua
“I have always struggled with acceptance, and every word my new agent said spoke to my insecurities. So I did one film, and then another, and then another. Several years later, I had done over 1,000. Before long, I had won Performer of the Year and starred in the Adult Video News (AVN) Awards Show on Showtime.
Some people may take a quick look at my fame and what to me felt like a fortune and say to themselves, ‘I would love to have that life.’ But don’t jump to conclusions. My story is not a positive one. It is filled with loneliness, depression, and an identity crisis that nearly led to me taking my life.
The shame and guilt rose to a point where I wasn’t numb to what I was doing anymore. I felt trapped and believed that I couldn’t do anything else, and depression set in.
I truly believed that I had ruined my life to the point of no return. So, I continued to say yes to the need to be accepted. I never was attracted to guys, but the idea of doing gay porn and the new level of fame, the money, the praise, and the attention all somehow made logical sense to me.
I was to the point that sex and shaking a hand were all the same to me. It didn’t matter if the other actors or actors were girls or guys. It didn’t matter if it was one camera or five cameras with a crew of 20; nothing mattered anymore. This went on for about six months, and then one day, I found myself wishing I would die.”4
Aaron
“The rape and sexual assault [I experienced] made my sexual objectification more normalized, to the point that it became like a normal part of my life that I was almost expecting. And eventually, when porn was presented to me, that’s what made it so easy to jump into the porn industry.
There came a point where [my talent manager] unzipped his pants and pulled out his penis and sat in a chair and said, ‘If you want to be a part of this industry, this is a part of it.’
And what he was doing there was basically seeing if I would be comfortable with exactly what was gonna happen to me in porn, where I was no longer in control of my body. Was I going to submit and do what I was told? Was I going to acquiesce to the demands of the producers and everyone else on set?
That’s sexual assault. But because it’s porn and because sex is the nature of the industry, sexual assault is the nature of the industry. It’s normal. This is exactly what goes on. He was right there, saying sexual assault is a part of this industry.
In gay porn, violence is often portrayed still toward the receiving individual. What I experienced often in the porn industry is the receiving individual was a gay individual, and the one who was portraying the violence was a straight person. Looking back at those types of scenes that I was in, I’m like, that is straight-up homophobia. They’re having a straight person sexually violating a gay man.”
Not the only performers
These guys’ stories are powerful and unique, but they aren’t the only former performers to pull back the curtain and expose the reality of the adult entertainment industry.
Producing porn often involves the violation and exploitation of real human beings. No, not all performers are abused, and not every pornographic video involves exploitation. But many do, and it can be difficult, if not impossible, to distinguish between consensual and nonconsensual content.
The harms of porn aren’t just confined to the ones in front of the camera or behind the screen. There is a growing body of research that shows how consumers, relationships, and society are all harmed by porn. This isn’t a moral argument. It’s simply something to consider, given the facts. Click here to read more about the research exposing the harmful effects of porn and make a decision for yourself about whether you want to support and contribute to it.
Men and women in the porn industry are human beings. They don’t deserve to be degraded or treated like objects. Fighting for love involves spreading awareness about the harms of the porn industry and its destructive impact on lives. Clicking pornography is contributing to the demand for more stories like these to happen to real people.